Day Two 12-15-2010

Prayer: Proverbs 15:32-33
³²He that refuseth instruction despiseth his own soul: but he that heareth reproof getteth understanding.
 ³³The fear of the LORD is the instruction of wisdom; and before honour is humility.

Jesus, I come to you right now to help keep me disciplined and stay on track as I go through this. Help give me the strength because I know that I am not strong enough on my own. Thank you Lord, for everything you have done in my life. Thank you so much. I give all my thanks and all glory to you Lord. In Jesus name, amen.




Last night, I didn’t sleep. More like wouldn’t, couldn’t sleep. Or it is possible I did and I have no recollection of ever falling asleep or waking up? I’m not so sure. And that scares me quite a bit. What to do about it, other than to pray. I don’t have the money to go see a doctor. Or a sleep specialist, I’m not sure if I even would want to go to one because I don’t want to start taking sleeping pills. I don’t want to rely on medicine to help me sleep unless I absolutely have to. Though if I have to I will do what is best for my health, my well-being. That is what matters, is to get myself back to “normal”, or whatever the norm is for me.
 
I’ve been thinking about going to see a counselor. Whether a counselor out of church or one in, I’m still not so sure. I don’t think believe I’d be able to afford it. But there are programs, state programs. I could go and do that but I’m afraid no one will help me. No one will truly understand the effect that everything has had on me. I’m just okay, not fully healed. The wounds are still open, hardly closing and healing. This why I want someone who understands my faith, the Lord to counsel me. This is because they know the spiritual struggle that I go through day to day.

Today, I also surprised myself. I was on the computer for a whole five minutes. Usually I’m on for hours at a time looking up crap just to waste time. Sometimes I’m on to learn; reading things up, gaining more knowledge. It shows that I’m gaining more discipline already after only a day. It shows that God has given me the strength to keep going and to keep conquering.
I’m so happy and excited that this is happening this quick. But it is only from prayer that I’m getting through this right now. I give Him all the glory. But I know there will be trials and tribulations along the way. There is always trials and tribulations, it’s how we go through them and the decisions we make that truly shows the calibur we are made of. It’s going to take discipline.