Day Three 12-16-2010

Prayer: Psalm 23
¹ The LORD is my shepherd, I lack nothing.
 ² He makes me lie down in green pastures,
he leads me beside quiet waters,
 ³ he refreshes my soul.
He guides me along the right paths
   for his name’s sake.
⁴ Even though I walk
   through the darkest valley,^[a]
I will fear no evil,
   for you are with me;
your rod and your staff,
   they comfort me.
 ⁵ You prepare a table before me
   in the presence of my enemies.
You anoint my head with oil;
   my cup overflows.
⁶ Surely your goodness and love will follow me
   all the days of my life,
and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
   forever.

Lord I come to you right now to ask to help me as I express my emotions. You know Lord that I do not do this often, if at all. Please Lord, let me be able to talk about how I feel and why I feel that way. Thank you. In Jesus name. Amen.



Today was a rough day. My sister is going to Nevada for Christmas. I’m worried about her because her ex-husband lives there. I’m so worried something is going to happen. My mom, my sister, and I talked. We talked about what happened, what might happen, and I expressed my emotions. Though it seemed my sister was very irritated at me. But this is because of most things I cannot handle and that is quite a bit. I hate to admit it too but I really cannot handle most situations, decisions, and what not. But admitting that shows me I’m showing some growth in admitting my flaws.

I do not believe I’ve cried that hard in a long time. I cried so hard that I had a horrible tension headache all day long. Eyes hurt as well. It simply sucked. But, crying helped a lot too. It helped getting a lot of what I feel and felt off my chest and just was a release for me. I’m one of those people that don’t like to talk about things that happened. I just hold it all in. Which obviously isn’t healthy to do.

My sister is very expressive when it comes to releasing what she feels. And that sometimes is alarming. My sister has always been hot headed, she can go from zero to a hundred in a matter of seconds. Though she has gotten better over the years. So, when we talk and we talk about something serious, she’s aggressive when she speaks, most times I’m not sure if I mistake that for passion or anger but it’s still very intimidating. But what it may be I still love her to death and that is what matters. I could hate her, but then why have a sister? And I’ll never have another blood sister.

I guess I’m happy to have a sibling, because I don’t think being a only child would be worth it. Because being a only child would get lonely, especially if it was me. I’m very shy, though to some it may not see that way. But I guess that is because I feel comfortable around them. The one friend I trust the most and is really close, is my friend Jackie. It’s funny though, because in high school we didn’t talk all that much. Then this past year and a half we got close, but I think that is because of God. She’s a good person, a Christian as well. And I need to be surrounded be people like that because it helps me. It’s healthy for me mentally.

I have so much anger and hate towards my sisters ex-husband. So angry that if I do go into see a counselor and they force me to talk, I will destroy the room and physically harm the person. So my mom and I thought of boxing, kickboxing, or martial arts classes. I’ve always wanted to do kickboxing or something close. So I thought of Muay Thai. Muay Thai come from Thailand and it is a really awesome fighting style. I think that practicing and training a martial art/fighting style will let me release all this anger I have balled up inside. It’ll also give me discipline, which I need. And who knows I may be great at it. But I’ll work hard if I get to take these classes. And hopefully they will let a woman in the class. If not, then I’ll take a different martial art/fighting style.